Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The Coffee Cup
I have a story to tell today: the story of the coffee cup.
First let me transform you over to a similar room but in a different setting. You are sitting amongst a group of fellow alumni friends, highly established in your careers, and have gotten together to visit your old professor. As we chatted, the flow of conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work, family and life.
Offering us coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups made of Porcelain, Plastic, Glass, Paper, Some ordinary looking, Some expensive, Some exquisite. He told us to help ourselves to hot coffee. When all of us had a cup of coffee in our hands, the professor spoke: ‘If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee - not the cup - but you consciously went for the best cups and, worse, you were eyeing each other's cups.
Now, if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.’
So, coming back to our meeting, I will pose the same question to you: ‘Are you letting the cups drive you or are you enjoying their contents instead?’ And this will be the subject of my sharing tonight.
Enjoy the coffee, not the cup
I will certainly like to enjoy the coffee and not the cup. For me, I pick this plain simple cup.
As some of you are aware, I am now on a semi-career break, having opted for a part-time tele-working arrangement with my office. The motivation is better work-life balance.
About 3 years ago, I used to reach home late, exhausted from the day’s work, with neither time nor energy for my two young kids. It didn’t help when staff turnover was high and you ended up as the sole survivor with 14 years of experience versus your colleagues’ average of 1 year. Naturally you can guess who bears the brunt.
My husband’s work had equally long hours, equally stressful. Till one day whilst taking a rare break, I decided to stop mulling and start acting. Swallowing my pride, I plucked up my courage and asked to downsize my job and downsize my pay, but upsize my desired lifestyle as a stay-at-home mum. My request wasn’t well received especially by the parties who will now shoulder my burden. But I knew what I wanted. And I persisted – for my cherished cup of ‘coffee’: A lifestyle I value at this stage of my life that revolves around my kids.
But of course, this lifestyle may not be everyone’s cup of tea …or coffee! Some of my friends, who are mothers themselves, would simply die to be in my shoes. Some mothers admit they can’t bear to be at the beck and call of hyperactive children 24 hours a day. Still others believe I have gone nuts – giving up a fair pay and a respectable position to boot.
I confess it was not an easy choice – a small voice constantly reminds me of my decade-long exam struggle to qualify in my profession as an actuary and the challenging but fulfilling technical work I enjoy. Am I committing career suicide? I often ask. But when I turn to my family and my kids, these notions are quickly cast aside. I’d rather choose to focus on my coffee and not the cup. I’ll take a simple cup to contain my simple taste and sustain my simple needs.
Coffee-sipping can be a wobbly act
But to be happy with simple pleasures is no simple matter. Coffee sipping, even of your preferred choice, can be a wobbly act.
My plain cup symbolises the plain lifestyle or the lost trappings of success I was prepared to forego.
What caught me by surprise is how misunderstood and undervalued a home-maker can be. Perhaps the notion of a rich tai-tai leisurely sipping coffee springs easily into our mind.
I hate to debunk the myth: housekeeper, tutor, cook, nurse, psychologist and chief executive all rolled in one is probably more apt a picture. Bringing up children has become a complex multi-tasking function. No wonder a recent US study pegs the equivalent pay of a stay-at-home mother at US$134,121 a year, an amount matching that of a top US executive or a judge.
Aggravating further is the misconception held by many people – from family to friends to colleagues if you still have any – that you are ‘free’ with plenty of leisure time and would kindly bestow endless voluntary activities and jobs on you.
For me, holding a part-time job, welcome as it is, introduces yet another balancing act. Doing it via tele-working requires further skill and tact. Remember ‘Out of sight, out of mind’. Taking on exam marking assignments for your profession soaks out whatever little time you have left. It’s a wonder then my Toastmasters journey has come thus far - thanks to all of you!
So whatever cup of coffee picked, be prepared to face some rough jostling from around you as you attempt to drink in peace. Be prepared to work extraordinarily hard at making your ordinary choice work. But don’t forget to enjoy your coffee.
Don’t ponder too long over your coffee!
Don’t take too long to decide on your coffee or your cup either. If you ponder too long, you may just miss your ‘coffee’.
You don’t know what life has in store for you tomorrow. I do face this uncertainty. I don’t know if my current bliss will end. I don’t know when I’ll relinquish my pseudo housewife status to report for fulltime work. I don’t wish to part with my no-frills cup for a fanciful one with its unspoken trappings.
But instead of lamenting over the ‘what ifs’, I tell myself why not focus on the present and enjoy the current moments. Don’t look back with regret only when the time is up and the game is over.
Likewise, my message to you is: since you can’t predict the future, make time to enjoy your coffee now.
End note
Dear friends, let me repeat my earlier questions, as broached by the professor: are you letting the cup drive you or are you enjoying the coffee? Would you focus on life, as represented by the coffee or rather eye each other’s cup, the mere tool for containing life? Would you drink your coffee with the people you care? Would you sip it today?
Your choice of coffee and the cup is unique to each and every one of you. What matters is that you look beyond the cup and enjoy your drink, your own ‘coffee’.
Friends, enjoy whilst you can. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come. Enjoy your coffee today. Enjoy the present.
24 May 2006
First let me transform you over to a similar room but in a different setting. You are sitting amongst a group of fellow alumni friends, highly established in your careers, and have gotten together to visit your old professor. As we chatted, the flow of conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work, family and life.
Offering us coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups made of Porcelain, Plastic, Glass, Paper, Some ordinary looking, Some expensive, Some exquisite. He told us to help ourselves to hot coffee. When all of us had a cup of coffee in our hands, the professor spoke: ‘If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee - not the cup - but you consciously went for the best cups and, worse, you were eyeing each other's cups.
Now, if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.’
So, coming back to our meeting, I will pose the same question to you: ‘Are you letting the cups drive you or are you enjoying their contents instead?’ And this will be the subject of my sharing tonight.
Enjoy the coffee, not the cup
I will certainly like to enjoy the coffee and not the cup. For me, I pick this plain simple cup.
As some of you are aware, I am now on a semi-career break, having opted for a part-time tele-working arrangement with my office. The motivation is better work-life balance.
About 3 years ago, I used to reach home late, exhausted from the day’s work, with neither time nor energy for my two young kids. It didn’t help when staff turnover was high and you ended up as the sole survivor with 14 years of experience versus your colleagues’ average of 1 year. Naturally you can guess who bears the brunt.
My husband’s work had equally long hours, equally stressful. Till one day whilst taking a rare break, I decided to stop mulling and start acting. Swallowing my pride, I plucked up my courage and asked to downsize my job and downsize my pay, but upsize my desired lifestyle as a stay-at-home mum. My request wasn’t well received especially by the parties who will now shoulder my burden. But I knew what I wanted. And I persisted – for my cherished cup of ‘coffee’: A lifestyle I value at this stage of my life that revolves around my kids.
But of course, this lifestyle may not be everyone’s cup of tea …or coffee! Some of my friends, who are mothers themselves, would simply die to be in my shoes. Some mothers admit they can’t bear to be at the beck and call of hyperactive children 24 hours a day. Still others believe I have gone nuts – giving up a fair pay and a respectable position to boot.
I confess it was not an easy choice – a small voice constantly reminds me of my decade-long exam struggle to qualify in my profession as an actuary and the challenging but fulfilling technical work I enjoy. Am I committing career suicide? I often ask. But when I turn to my family and my kids, these notions are quickly cast aside. I’d rather choose to focus on my coffee and not the cup. I’ll take a simple cup to contain my simple taste and sustain my simple needs.
Coffee-sipping can be a wobbly act
But to be happy with simple pleasures is no simple matter. Coffee sipping, even of your preferred choice, can be a wobbly act.
My plain cup symbolises the plain lifestyle or the lost trappings of success I was prepared to forego.
What caught me by surprise is how misunderstood and undervalued a home-maker can be. Perhaps the notion of a rich tai-tai leisurely sipping coffee springs easily into our mind.
I hate to debunk the myth: housekeeper, tutor, cook, nurse, psychologist and chief executive all rolled in one is probably more apt a picture. Bringing up children has become a complex multi-tasking function. No wonder a recent US study pegs the equivalent pay of a stay-at-home mother at US$134,121 a year, an amount matching that of a top US executive or a judge.
Aggravating further is the misconception held by many people – from family to friends to colleagues if you still have any – that you are ‘free’ with plenty of leisure time and would kindly bestow endless voluntary activities and jobs on you.
For me, holding a part-time job, welcome as it is, introduces yet another balancing act. Doing it via tele-working requires further skill and tact. Remember ‘Out of sight, out of mind’. Taking on exam marking assignments for your profession soaks out whatever little time you have left. It’s a wonder then my Toastmasters journey has come thus far - thanks to all of you!
So whatever cup of coffee picked, be prepared to face some rough jostling from around you as you attempt to drink in peace. Be prepared to work extraordinarily hard at making your ordinary choice work. But don’t forget to enjoy your coffee.
Don’t ponder too long over your coffee!
Don’t take too long to decide on your coffee or your cup either. If you ponder too long, you may just miss your ‘coffee’.
You don’t know what life has in store for you tomorrow. I do face this uncertainty. I don’t know if my current bliss will end. I don’t know when I’ll relinquish my pseudo housewife status to report for fulltime work. I don’t wish to part with my no-frills cup for a fanciful one with its unspoken trappings.
But instead of lamenting over the ‘what ifs’, I tell myself why not focus on the present and enjoy the current moments. Don’t look back with regret only when the time is up and the game is over.
Likewise, my message to you is: since you can’t predict the future, make time to enjoy your coffee now.
End note
Dear friends, let me repeat my earlier questions, as broached by the professor: are you letting the cup drive you or are you enjoying the coffee? Would you focus on life, as represented by the coffee or rather eye each other’s cup, the mere tool for containing life? Would you drink your coffee with the people you care? Would you sip it today?
Your choice of coffee and the cup is unique to each and every one of you. What matters is that you look beyond the cup and enjoy your drink, your own ‘coffee’.
Friends, enjoy whilst you can. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come. Enjoy your coffee today. Enjoy the present.
24 May 2006
# posted by CME @ 8:37 AM 
